Speaking of Green Arrow...
Here's your Oliver Queen right here, fuckers. I invite Hollywood to pull its head out of its ass and give us some good, old-fashioned, badass, angry lefty Robin Hood action.

Here's your Oliver Queen right here, fuckers. I invite Hollywood to pull its head out of its ass and give us some good, old-fashioned, badass, angry lefty Robin Hood action.
I was going to post about today's Superman casting news, but then I remembered that I don't now, nor have I ever, given two shits about Superman. They chose somebody handsome. Is there any other requirement for playing the dullest superhero in the world?
You want to get into casting for Green Arrow, or Lobo, or, I don't know, Blue Beetle? I'll theorize and pontificate until the cows come home. But the only people who really care about who plays Superman are childred, grown men who have never known the touch of a woman, and Spandex fetishists.
I lost my phone this afternoon, apparently somewhere on the grounds of the apartment complex I live in, because when I got home tonight there was a note stuck to my door telling me which apartment I could pick it up in tomorrow. I'm pretty high on the human race right now, which is a weird feeling for me. Luckily, it probably won't last very long.
But right now, boy: GO HUMANITY.
All of my friends are coming in from literally every place ever, and we're going to party like maniacs in all the swankiest clubs in Imaginationtown all damn weekend long. So don't worry about me, I'll be sipping cocktails with centaurs while you're all hanging out with a bunch of boring people who actually exist.
YAWN.
I feel sorry for you all. I really do.
Look, I'm just sayin': if watching a hot girl perform many explicit and depraved acts is what you like, you probably owe it to yourself to watch this RedTube video, which is so obviously not safe for work, idiots.
Here.
Holly Fuckin' Wellin, man. If you ask me, Charlie Sheen has got shit taste in porn stars.
...is, as usual, not loading right now. But look what is! Yes, it's Posterous, the blogging site that for some fucking reason nobody seems to like as much. Is it not cute and cuddly enough? Do you feel awkward using a superior blogging platform to post photos of your cleavage?
Whee! I'm postin' like a muhfuckah up in here!
1. Kim Carnes--"Bette Davis Eyes"
2. Alicia Bridges--"I Love the Nightlife"
3. The Village People--"In The Navy"
4. Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes--"Up Where We Belong"
5. Bette Midler--"Wind Beneath my Wings"
(Top Fives won't always be funny. Sometimes they're informative, and sometimes they're just about you sharing my pain.)
As you may recall reading here, I was growing in a mustache to match my sideburns and longer hair in an attempt to, I don't know, look like the hero of one of those softcore 80's action pictures produced by Playboy. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday morning after combing my hair, and the combination of the hair and my filling-in mustache made me look exactly like some nightmare combination of Hall and Oates, a creature that should never exist.
Needless to say, I shaved my upper lip immediately. Sorry, ladies.I set up a car payment for the 31st that will take all but about $7 of what I have in the bank account right now. So, I essentially have that much to survive on for all of next week. That is lame.
LAME.
Anyway, if you need me, I'll be the guy eating macaroni and cheese for dinner every day who doesn't even know when he'll be able to defecate next because he's out of toilet paper. I guess now's as good a time as any to kick caffeine. WARNING: I'm going to be a real dick for the following week.
1. A fistful of granola.
2. A cowboy boot.
3. The 1984 Academy Award for Best Sound Editing.
4. Abraham Lincoln.
5. Stonehenge.