Look It up Yourself

I was going to post about today's Superman casting news, but then I remembered that I don't now, nor have I ever, given two shits about Superman. They chose somebody handsome. Is there any other requirement for playing the dullest superhero in the world?

You want to get into casting for Green Arrow, or Lobo, or, I don't know, Blue Beetle? I'll theorize and pontificate until the cows come home. But the only people who really care about who plays Superman are childred, grown men who have never known the touch of a woman, and Spandex fetishists.

I've Got a Pretty Big Gathering Going on This Weekend, Too

All of my friends are coming in from literally every place ever, and we're going to party like maniacs in all the swankiest clubs in Imaginationtown all damn weekend long. So don't worry about me, I'll be sipping cocktails with centaurs while you're all hanging out with a bunch of boring people who actually exist.

YAWN.

I feel sorry for you all. I really do.

Top Five: Songs That My Mother Liked to a Nearly Pychopathic Degree in the 70's and 80's

1. Kim Carnes--"Bette Davis Eyes"

2. Alicia Bridges--"I Love the Nightlife"

3. The Village People--"In The Navy"

4. Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes--"Up Where We Belong"

5. Bette Midler--"Wind Beneath my Wings"

(Top Fives won't always be funny. Sometimes they're informative, and sometimes they're just about you sharing my pain.)

I Can't Go for That

Halloates

As you may recall reading here, I was growing in a mustache to match my sideburns and longer hair in an attempt to, I don't know, look like the hero of one of those softcore 80's action pictures produced by Playboy. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday morning after combing my hair, and the combination of the hair and my filling-in mustache made me look exactly like some nightmare combination of Hall and Oates, a creature that should never exist.

Needless to say, I shaved my upper lip immediately. Sorry, ladies.

Now Is the Time for All Good Men to Come to My Aid, by Which I Mean Give me $20

I set up a car payment for the 31st that will take all but about $7 of what I have in the bank account right now. So, I essentially have that much to survive on for all of next week. That is lame.

LAME.

Anyway, if you need me, I'll be the guy eating macaroni and cheese for dinner every day who doesn't even know when he'll be able to defecate next because he's out of toilet paper. I guess now's as good a time as any to kick caffeine. WARNING: I'm going to be a real dick for the following week.