I've Forgotten How to Write

I wrote a couple paragraphs on a new idea just now, and I thought they were going pretty good, but then I noticed that my tenses were all screwed up. I saved the file, and I don't know when I'll ever get back to it.

That's as far as I could get: two paragraphs, and one of them was a pretty tiny paragraph. How can something that used to give me so much pleasure now seem like such a chore? Getting the words out of my head and onto the page was so much easier when I was young and had nothing to really occupy my mind but constant daydreaming. But daydreaming has been replaced with worry and depression, and unlike some of the greats, I do not find depression to be conducive to inspiration.

The mounting realization is that I will never succeed in any creative endeavor.

And I had so much potential in my youth.

Another Perplexing Riddle Posed by Garfield and Friends

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Okay, I admit it: I'm enjoying the Random Garfield Generator more than I should.

The mystery to be solved here, of course, is why are Garfield's "hands" in Odie's mouth, and why does Jon look so pleased? Is Garfield fishing the aforementioned mouse from the slobbery dog's disgusting mouth? Why is the cat so shocked? Was he just digging around in Odie's mouth, as he does regularly, when he found a mouse in there? Or was he brandishing his conquest for Jon's approval when Odie inexplicably ate it, "hands" and all?

Some seriously strange goings-on in this seemingly normal suburban household.

It's a Tradition

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Putting photos of girls on the toilet on my blogs is something I tend to do to weed out the Sensitive Sues who might be offended by future posts, although you have to admit, this is a pretty chaste girl-on-toilet pic. She's not even peeing or anything.

Now that that's out of the way, I promise it won't happen again any time soon. But you never know when something like this will happen, and that's sort of the point, isn't it?

My Taste Is Impeccable

My roomie bought a DVD combo pack including The Hangover and Wedding Crashers. You may have seen my recent post enthusing about The Hangover, so I thought I owed Wedding Crashers, which I'd never seen, a shot as well. After all, they were packaged together, right? Perhaps the style of humor in the second movie would appeal to me as much as the first one.

Nope.

Maybe it's just my allergies to both Vince Vaughn and weddings, but I couldn't watch more than half an hour of Wedding Crashers. There is literally nothing I enjoyed about that formulaic pile of rom-com garbage. You know, just because a movie has some nice tits and some raunchy jokes in it, that doesn't make it "special" or more than a paint-by-numbers exercise in predictable, crowd-pleasing swill.

Blech.

Somebody please explain the appeal of this movie, and while your at it, define Vince Vaughn's queasy, Sasquatchian "charm".

Top Five: Lines Least Likely to Be Delivered by Bruce Willis

1. "People, please! There must be some way that we can solve this dispute without violence!"

2. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't express yourself with such harsh language."

3. "Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!"

4. "There's a right way to do things, and there's a wrong way. The right way is in this book: the NYPD code of conduct. Remember that, rookie. We don't make our own rules."

5. "I'm not a hero. I'm just a simple man who really, really, really likes having sex with men."

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

Everybody on Tumblr is bitching about Tumblr. Again. It's freaking out. Again. Nothing works right. Again.

I've shown them a very similar website in which everything works most of the time. I've shown them how you can easily set things up to post to your Tumblr, so that your Tumblr friends won't miss any of your posts. I've shown them how commenting works better on Posterous. Posterous, basically, is an infinitely superior version of Tumblr, just without the comfy Tumblr cutesiness that I guess they need, because they just keep bitching about Tumblr while making no effort to improve their blogging experience in any way.

I keep hearing about how the "community" and the "people" are why people stay there. Well, guess what: if you all come to Posterous, where they have their shit together, then the "people" and "community" will all be here.

Just sayin'.

You can either make a change and come somewhere where bitching about the crappy service isn't an accepted part of the experience, or you can keep wallowing in shit and complaining about it.

I approve this message.

Please Let This Be True

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Apparently, the virtually talentless bag of cinematic retardation and self-promoting flatulence known as Kevin Smith has claimed in an interview that after he makes an upcoming hockey movie, he plans to retire from film-making. Are we supposed to be sad about that? The man should never be allowed near movie-making equipment. Even his "best" movies are nigh unwatchable. The only things he's good at are talking about himself, selling merchandise, and convincing an entire generation of undiscerning movie watchers that he legitimately has something to say besides, "Hey, mom! Look at me, I mades a moovee!"

I'd love to believe him, but considering that he lies about shit all the time, I'm not going to get too excited. Smith loves attention, and the best way to get it is to keep rolling out shitty movies.