Oh, Taylor.
Oh, my sweet, skinny Taylor…
SIGH…
Here is the video to your lovely song, “Today Was a Fairy Tale,” a video I can barely even look at because you are too adorable for words. I mean, I know! I know! You are totally over 18, but when I watch these videos of yours, you make me feel like you’re 12.
This is apparently a song about every day in the life of Taylor Swift. It is a life so blessed it has never even been darkened by the specter of diarrhea. Yes! Taylor Swift has literally never had diarrhea! I think you can even look that up on Wikipedia. Taylor Swift writing a song called, “Today Was a Fairy Tale” is like me writing a song called, “Please don’t click on any of the folders on my laptop while I’m in the bathroom.”
To be honest, Taylor, it sort of sounds like you’re gloating. We all know you’re beautiful and your life is perfect; you don’t need to rub it in. But we forgive you, time and time again, because you are cuter than a baby bird’s awkward first jump out of the nest. Do you plummet to the ground? No, Taylor, you boldly take flight, first uncertainly, and then with majestic confidence, your wings flapping, your head held high!
But you don’t need to rub it in, anyway, is what I’m saying. You would not earn an extra portion of ice cream with that attitude, Taylor!
You are adorable. I don’t like staying mad at you. I will forgive you if you give me one of those special kisses you know I like so much.