She Has a Name

Just got another text for the mysterious previous owner of my phone number.

It began: “Corrine!”

So, it turns out that the previous owner was a woman, not a man, after all.  Unless the sender is actually named Corinne, and she likes to start every text by enthusiastically communicating this fact, but that would be very strange.

So, I now know the following about my number’s previous owner:

Her name is Corrine.
She loves sushi.
She has a friend in Oregon.
She has a friend named Cadwell.
She has just been invited to a Christmas party.

I will soon know every aspect of this woman’s life.  I am the world’s most accomplished passive stalker.

This Is Life

You’re cooking breakfast, when you suddenly realize in the middle of it that you have to poop.  It slowly dawns on you that you will not be able to hold it comfortably during the entire preparing, and especially eating, of your breakfast.  It feels like a big one.  If you just run into the bathroom real quick, your breakfast will burn.

So, you finish up in a hurry, so that you can go poop before you eat.  However, you realize that if you just leave your breakfast out, your dumb dog might get on the counter and eat it.  Thinking fast, you pour your food onto a plate, then put that plate in the oven, then quickly run into the bathroom to relieve yourself.

As you are pooping, you think that, to your knowledge, this has never happened to anybody in a book or movie, ever.  Characters eat breakfast, and they do poop, but you’ve never heard of one thing interrupting the other.  Is it just you, or do people just not talk about this embarassing stuff?  Or is this really the sort of thing that never, ever happens to James Bond?

Of course, James Bond never had a dog.  But what if he did?  He’d be the loneliest dog in the world.  Ha.

Then you blog about that.

After breakfast, of course.

angellj replied to your post: Explain from that intelligent male mind of yours the best part of oral, vaginal and anal sex.

You may want to look it up …. but vaginal sex is very definitely NOT the easiest way for the average woman to orgasm! Not for real anyway ;)

I realized after I wrote that that somebody was going to take issue with it.  Women who orgasm through exclusive vaginal penetration are very rare.  I am aware of that.  However, it has been my experience that they prefer to orgasm during vaginal sex, so the idea here is obviously that they will have enough clitoral stimulation before and during to make this possible.  Thank you for forcing me to clarify.