GUEST BLOGGER: A Pedophile Responds to the Taylor Swift Songbook: "Love Story"

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Hello again!  It’s me the anonymous pedophile from the Internet, pausing my special edition Blu-Ray of It Takes Two to respond to the Taylor Swift hit “Love Story,” which you can view and listen to here: Taylor Swift is more adorable than a wet puppy.

This is a song about Young Love, specifically Young Attractive Love, which I think we can all agree is the Best Kind of Love.  It’s about a boy and a girl who love each other but their parents don’t understand, and even though they are a metaphorical “Romeo” and “Juliet,” the song doesn’t end with a double suicide, because nothing bad ever happens in Taylor Swift land.  As the regular author of this blog joked recently, she doesn’t even fart.

So, how does this song make me feel?  Well, I like songs about kids having forbidden sexual escapades, obviously.  And I especially like it when Taylor Swift sings about them, and I can imagine her tiny little body being poked and prodded repeatedly in all of her tight, secret holes.  Also, she’s 14 when I imagine this.

But seriously, I’m a pedophile.  I like having sex with children, so this song is right up my alley anyway.  Your mileage may vary.  I admit to a bit of a blind spot in my musical taste when it comes to Taylor Swift.  Plus, I’ve got like 17 of those Kidz Bop albums, so what do I know, really?

Ugh.

This is terrible, right?  I mean, I’m not just being a sourpuss, am I?  This looks like a fucking unbearable festival of mugging, right?

Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack shtick is starting to wear about as thin as Dudley Moore’s drunk routine in Arthur 2: On the Rocks.

I miss that risky young actor that everybody was excited about.  Now he’s just a Disney caricature of “eccentricity” that they can easily market to the Wal-Mart crowd.

Not even Ian McShane will get me into the theater for this atrocity.

Future Events

Keep your eyes out for these future Tumblr events:

  • Masturbating Monday
  • Hard Nipples and Camel Toe Tuesday
  • Wondering Where Your Shame Went Wednesday
  • Thong Thursday
  • Fingering Friday
  • Snatch Saturday
  • Shitting Sunday (too far?)

See you around Tumblr, ladies and gentlem…well, just the ladies, really.  These are all strictly optional for the men.  In fact, just don’t participate if you have a penis, thank you.

New Followers

Thank you so much for deciding that I should share space on your dashboard with your many more beautiful and amazing friends.  I will attempt not to scare you off by posting anything too smutty or angry or controversial for the next couple days.  I will try to ease you into my world as gently as if you were an anal virgin taking your first cock in the ass.

Oops.

I think I just fucked up.