The Next One

The next one will actually place the same or greater value on my feelings as she does her own.

The next one will not live in another state where I can’t monitor her actions, making it easier for her to lie to me.

The next one will not be a “cool person” who cares more about being perceived as cool than just loving somebody for the dork that they are.

The next one will be somebody that I feel a spark of sexual need for almost immediately: that sort of thing doesn’t grow over time.

The next one won’t immediately have come out of a damaging relationship that colors every single one of her actions and feelings toward me.

The next one will tell me the truth.

The next one will understand the definition of the word “love”.

The next one will be a fucking depraved pervert, but for just one guy: me.

What "I love you" Doesn't Mean

“I love you” doesn’t mean:

  • “Thank you for providing me with a temporary distraction from my shitty job/family/social life.”
  • “It’s fun looking at your penis.”
  • “It sure is nice pretending to be in love.”
  • “You’ll do until a guy I’m actually serious about comes along.”
  • “Haha!  You’re funny!”
  • “Since you’re just a person on the Internet, I place no value in your feelings, nor mine, whatsoever, so I can ignore you as I see fit, date other guys, and I won’t feel at all bad about it.”

Ladies: if you’re ever concerned about whether to say, “I love you” to somebody, especially if you met them online, please refer to this post.  If you need me to tell you what it actually does mean, you’re beyond help and should probably go live in a goddamn cave where you can’t continue to hurt anybody.