A Month (and a half) without "Fuck"

In an ongoing challenge to myself to be a better writer, I'm going to kick one of my crutches out from under myself for the remaining days of June and the month of July: that crutch is profanity.

I'm not a prude, which should be obvious when you read back through my blog, but I've come to realize something about profanity, which is that very few people know how to properly use it. I've seen so many comics, images and jokes that would have been so much funnier if not for the "fucks". Profanity has its place, and nobody will argue that more strenuously than me, but I just want to try it out and see if it's possible to be funny on the Internet without wallowing in the glorious mud of profanity.

We'll see.

Maybe I'll give up after a week, but fuck it (last one!): some day we all have to grow up and stop writing and talking like we're in middle school.

So, PRINCE OF PERSIA Is On...

...which is a terrible, terrible movie. Let me mention just a couple of the things that happened in the first half hour of this movie I've never seen that make no fucking sense whatsoever.

  • Random people who Gyllenhall's character has never met are recognizing him as a prince, even though photography does not exist and most subjects had no idea what their rulers actually looked like at the time this movie supposedly takes place.
  • News of the price that has been put on Gyllenhall's character's head is apparently traveling faster than they are while escaping even though the goddamn telegraph won't be invented for hundreds of years.

There. There are just two things. I won't get into the fact that all the extras are swarthy Middle Easterners while the characters that we're supposed to care about are all as white as Rick Santorum after he Googled his name for the first time. That's just the usual Hollywood racial ignorance on display. Sort of like how the leads all have British accents while the extras are allowed to sound like pseudo-Persians.

Ahh, racism...few do it better than you, Hollywood.

But the ultimate point that I want to make is that this is a terrible movie that doesn't even understand its own faux-historical context.

Dot-Commed

If you type "hungrylikekevin.com" into your browser, it may very well take you to my Posterous. It might take a day or so for every pocket of the Internet to get on board with this, but, yeah. I'm an official dot-commie now, which means it's time to start watermarking all of my goofball images and basically become a huge asshole about my "intellectual property".

It happens to the best of us, alas.

Regarding GREEN LANTERN

I'm probably not going to bother seeing it. That's a strange thing for me to write, because I've been a proponent of a Green Lantern movie for a long, long time.

But I never wanted Ryan Reynolds in it.

He's a fine performer for certain things, and I've liked him in some movies. But he isn't Hal Jordan, and from what I've seen of the film in trailers and such, it's nothing we haven't seen before: a chosen one; training montages; a new recruit introduced to a larger world. Hey, Green Lantern producers: I've already seen all of those Harry Potter films. Although we shouldn't be surprised that Warner Brothers is aping the story points of their very successful wizarding franchise.

It just looks dumb, and cheesy, and with an over-reliance on CGI (which, arguably, is the only way you can make a GL movie, I know...but did his costume need to be computer-generated? The answer is NO.).

It just looks wholly unremarkable, and I can't afford to blow my money on films that are wholly unremarkable. That said, I've heard really good things about X-Men: First Class, and today it'll only be 5 bucks. So, yeah...sorry, Green Lantern: I won't be seeing you this Friday, or whenever you come out.

It's your own fault for looking so fucking bland.

Introspection

  • Is it too late in my life to become a cage fighter?
  • I was suppose to be Batman by age 35. What happened?
  • Does anybody really care about anything I have to say about anything, ever?
  • I enjoyed both THOR and THE HANGOVER PART II. Am I turning into an undiscerning old person who just likes to watch explosions and dumb jokes on a big screen? This is a genuine concern. I see it happen all the time. I fear.
  • Apparently, I have a "type" after all. Watch out, all you slender brunettes with small breasts and hot asses!
  • Rage, cage, rat, whatever.
  • I'm remembering why I hate introspection so much.
  • It's boring.
  • I'll just go back to watching porn and bitching about stuff on the Internet.

 

An Idea

You know how you're sometimes reading a long book, and you're not making much progress in it, and you start to feel self-conscious about the fact that your bookmark isn't advancing, and you think that everbody's judging you? Am I the only one who feels this way?

Well, never fear, for now we have the Editorial Bookmark!

Boremark
Alternative messages: "LOOK, I'M A SLOW READER, OKAY?" or  "I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF FREE TIME".

Conversely, the following options would be available: "BLAZIN' THROUGH THIS!", "SPEED READER!" or "I DON'T HAVE A JOB", for  those times when you're deep into a thick tome.

Soon to never be available at your local Barnes & Noble Booksellers.