The Day in Out-of-Context Quotes

“Ow!  Fuck you, Colgate!”

“She’s shorter than you, but you’re tinier.  If you took a person 5’ 8” or so, and shrunk her down proportionally, eventually you would have you.”

“If you have intercourse standing up, while both of you are dressed like fishermen, you will have a boy.”

“You hurt my feelings.  I’m taking your number out of my cell phone.”

“When I think of them having sex, it isn’t heartbreaking.  It just sort of grosses me out.”

“There’s a large Shrek plush doll lying at the edge of the yard, face down in the dirt and the leaves, and it’s just so incredibly sad.”

Commitment

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This is a note I found on the floor of the work bathroom stall.  I did not touch it, but yes, I was sitting on the toilet when I snapped this pic.

If it’s too blurry for you to interpret, here is the text:

Commitment

let God drive, to trust him [something] actions

-to myself, to know me and love me

-to do the work, study my stuff

Observations:

  • Obviously, the person who wrote this is insane.
  • This list probably meant a lot to the crazy person, so why did he drop it in the bathroom?
  • This crazy person is now out there on the streets without his little handwritten instruction manual.  Think about that.

This Veteran's Day...

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…please take a moment to remember the fearless officers and stormtroopers who valiantly gave their lives on Death Stars I and II, looking eternity unblinkingly in the eye as they were brutally murdered by the criminals Luke Skywalker and Lando Calrissian.  Let this forever be a day of mourning throughout the Empire.