The Brown Eye of the Tiger

No matter how much I try, I just can’t get into fart fetish porn.  I like butts, I like buttholes, so by logical extension you would think that this would be something that I’d really be into.  I think I find the whole subject too ridiculous to bother with something as serious as a boner.

But I’ll keep checking in on you from time to time, fart fetish porn.  I’ll keep training.  I’ll stay limber just in case you sneak up on me one day and try to sucker-punch me.  I’ve gone toe-to-toe with a lot of fetish porn over the years, and in the end, I always ejaculate victoriously.

You won’t be any different.  I just need the right combination of girls, enthusiasm, and mood.

You hear me talking, fart fetish porn?

You’re going DOWN.

(Cue “Gonna Fly Now”.)

An Observation

Perhaps it’s passive-aggressive of me to point this out, but one thing that I’ve noticed is consistently true about people who do dirt is that they don’t like to be reminded of the collateral damage.  Well, sorry, but there is collateral damage, and I’m it.  Feel free to embrace your new ready-made life, but don’t for a second think that anything about this is clean or easy for somebody who has to stay behind and put his world back together.

I am going to express my own pain, disappointment and seething sense of betrayal on my own blog whenever the hell I feel like it, until I start getting better.  You don’t have to heal, because this is all going exactly according to your most fervent wishes, but I’m roadkill.  My apologies if that is inconvenient for you.

Anything truly shitty that I’ve needed to say to either of you, I’ve said via private message or email, and I’ve never even mentioned your name around here (and I’ve stopped mentioning hers as of my last post on this subject).

I invite you to stop reading my posts, as I have stopped reading yours and hers, if you feel that I’m somehow acting inappropriately by posting about my own life and my own feelings on my own blog.

If you have anything more to say on this matter, I invite you to say it on your own blog, where I won’t see it, or read it, ever.  The only times I’ve ever gone over there is when a friend has said something along the lines of, “What the hell’s up with [blank]’s blog?”  I don’t read either of you, because I don’t particularly feel like watching you two making kissy-faces over the fresh grave of my former relationship.

Again: I’m going to say whatever the hell I want here.  I have exercised enormous restraint, and anybody who knew all the facts about this situation would whole-heartedly agree.  You have your on-line world, and I have mine.  There are mutual friends and readers, which is fine, but apart from that, I don’t want to see them intersect again.  We have nothing more to say to each other, and if you can’t stand the occasional barb thrown your way, then 1) stop reading, and 2) maybe you should stop screwing people over.

I don’t expect to see you reblog my posts again.

Hmm

It appears I’m no longer comfortable sleeping in the bed that I picked out and built for my ex and I to sleep on.  Probably has something to do with the opportunistic fucker that replaced me in there about two weeks after I was kicked out.  So, even though she’s out of town, I will continue to sleep on the sofa.

That’s what I do now.

I Guess the Common Perception Is that I Don't Post Frequently Enough

I think I post plenty.  In September, for instance, I posted 215 items.  So far in October, I’m at 35, and it’s only halfway through this month.  Granted, some of those things are replies, because of this website’s deplorable facilitation of communication among members, but most of it is honest-to-goodness blog posts, images, observations, etc., that 99% of the time are mine and not reblogs or shit I found from trawling around the Internet.

I don’t have diarrhea of the Tumblr, but I keep up a pretty consistent stream.  If you’d like me to start posting bullshit all the time with no filter, I could probably do that, but I wouldn’t feel very good about myself.

I was joking about the Tumblr crush thing (although it would be nice to show up sometimes, I’m not really worried about it), and I’m sort of joking about this, too: quit’cher bitchin’.

You're All Going to Crush All over My Face

Oh, yeah.

I’m tired of seeing everybody’s “Tumblr crushes” getting posted around here, and my face being conspicuously absent every time!

This face:

Media_httpmediatumblr_fabej

That is the face of your new crush, ladies (and gentlemen).  Tell me what I have to do to earn your love!  Do I need to go back to posting shemale cock all the time?  Because that wasn’t really a hard and fast rule, you know, that self-imposed porn ban I came up with.  If cock be the path to popularity, then, “Cock ho!” say I, for I am a salty cock pirate!  “Cock approaching from the stern!  AAAAARRRGH, SHE’S A FIGHTER!”

Don’t call it a comeback, because I’ve been been here (the Internet) for years, and it is TIME for me to start seeing my gorgeous mug on your crush posts!  Now!  Starting NOW!

This is happening.  Can you feel yourselves starting to crush on me?

YES.

YOU CAN.