I Will WRITE Your SHIT

What you need written?  Articles, movie reviews, short fiction, I don’t care.  You need me to enthusiastically rant about your delicious new Pepsi products?  Cocoa Pepsi?  Pepsi Invisible?  Crunchy Pepsi?

I’LL DO IT.

You need somebody to review videos for your scat fetish website?

I’LL DO IT.

I have no standards!  Standards haven’t gotten me shit.  I am willing to sell-out my talents faster than a beautiful teen pop sensation.

What?  What you need?  Want me to ghost-write your blog?  Need me to Cyrano up some romantic crapola for your girlfriend away in college?

WHATEVER.

Reasonable rates.  ABSOLUTELY NO WORK REFUSED.  Gimme something and I will write the fuck out of it.

I’ll even throw the profanity in for free.

WHAT A FUCKING DEAL!

anarchyandscotch replied to your post: Welcome to the Party, Pal!

Is this the kind of stuff you normally post? Because so far, it’s not terribly impressive. I mean, I’m cool with the flattery and all, but there are NO tits in this post and I assumed you were an insecure adolescent girl when I followed you.

I recently swore off posting tits, not because I don’t love them or look at them all the time, but because I think it’s a cheap way to get interaction on your blog, and I’m trying to concentrate on being funny.

Besides, these babies are not for you.  Only my rich loverdaddy who is going to take me away from all this gets to see them.  In return, he buys me clothes and candy.  We’re in love, and you just don’t understand GOD I HATE YOU!

It's Official: Porn > Me

My deplorable, heinous and very not-safe-for-work one-trick-pony porn Tumbr Finger in My Butt already has 21 followers after, like, four days.  Do you know how long it took me to get that many?  SIGNIFICANTLY LONGER.

Every day there are more followers over there, for a collection of anal-insertion porn images I find by wandering around the Internet for ten minutes.

I knew I should have been a smut-peddler for a living!  Where did I go wrong?

helpmerhonda replied to your post: TV Badasses #5-6

I wanna be Gemma when I grow up. Without having to screw Clay of course.

I have never liked Katey Sagal in a role before (I don’t even think her voice work as Futurama’s Leela is really worth a damn).  I just didn’t think she was that great an actress, ever.  I have also never considered her sexually attractive.

You can imagine, then, that her performance as Gemma came as quite a shock to my system.  “Holy shit!  Katey Sagal can act!  And she’s fucking sex on toast!  WOW!”  I don’t know if her work has garnered her any awards, but whatever she may have won, it ain’t enough.