Even James Bond Couldn't Catch Her Ass

So, the other day, I was parking at the Fresh Market (even though I vowed never to shop there again), and when I got out, I saw the Asian girl I’ve mentioned a couple of times running out of the store to collect carts.  She always runs.  I’ve never seen this girl walk.

She sprinted up to the cart corral, which has two big plastic sides and a horizontal pole that runs along the back to keep the carts from rolling out.  She was approaching it from behind, and without pausing, she grabbed onto the pole (which is only about three feet off the ground) and effortlessly slid under it to pop up on the other side.

So, in addition to being adorable and full of energy, she also appears to be a parkour enthusiast.

It’s too early to declare love, per se, but if I find out she plays D&D and listens to The Ramones, it will be very difficult to avoid kidnapping her.

When Somebody Unfollows Me...

…I really wish they would send me a quick message in my askhole to tell me what was SO OFFENSIVE to their delicate sensibilities that they just had to eliminate me from their dashboard.  I mean, I used to lose followers when I posted porn pics, but I don’t do that any more.

Is there too much text in my posts?  Does it hurt you to read all those words?  Did I offend you with how vehemently I oppose a justice system that kills people?  Exxtramedium disagrees with me on this point, yet we both still follow each other, because we understand that we’re both essentially good people (even though ONE OF US has a distorted and morally indefensible view of this issue—LOVE YA, DUDE!).

I really don’t care if I lose a follower here and there, but I am consumed with curiosity as to WHY?  What did I do?  WHY?  WHY?

I Need a "Regular Joint"

Lotta people blogging about being in coffeeshops at the moment (fine, just AnarchyandScotch and JBBoobstein), and AnarchyandScotch is upset that somebody is in his regular seat, and I suddenly realized: I don’t have a regular seat!  I don’t even have a regular place!

Problem is, I don’t drink coffee!  So where can I go and linger for a couple hours with my laptop and pretend I’m writing the great American novel?  WHERE?

This is a real problem, America.

The Lazy Cartoonist #3

The Lazy Cartoonist is a comic strip that features no art, because I am too lazy to draw it.  However, anybody is free to submit the art to go along with my scripts at any time, and I will post the completed strip in a future installment.  Collaboration, bitches!

——-

Panel One

(Man 1 is sitting at a computer.  Man 2 is standing next to him.  They are in an office of some kind.)

Man 1: Shit!  I accidentally erased the whole last two paragraphs of this report!

Man 2: Haha!  Sounds like somebody just got his dick sucked!

Panel Two

Man 1: (Turning in his chair.)  What?!

Man 2:  Yeah, man!  That computer totally just sucked your dick hard!

Panel Three

Man 1: You think getting your dick sucked is a bad thing?

Man 2: Ugh, yeah, dude, it’s totally gross.  I don’t know anybody who likes that!

Panel Four

Man 1: (Confused) You are honestly disgusted when a woman gets on her knees and sucks your—

Panel Five

(Man 2 casually but forcefully projectile vomits in Man 1’s face.)

Panel Six

(Man 2 continues barfing.)