I challenge you to present a more enthusiastic celebrity endorsement of your blog, sir or madam.

I challenge you to present a more enthusiastic celebrity endorsement of your blog, sir or madam.
That feeling you get when you're reading a silly post that's been up for a little bit, and you realize that you utterly brain-farted the name of a band that you were trying sound all clever about, and you realize that you must fix it NOW before ONE MORE PERSON reads it.
Also, the sinking feeling that maybe you returned a DVD case to your parents with a teenybopper-themed porn disc in it, which has totally never happend to me ever.
The original chorus to the song "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People was:
All the other kids, with the pumped up kicks, you'd better run, better run, or you're gonna get raped.
All the other kids, with the pumped up kicks, you'd better run, better run, outrun my cock.
However, at the last second before recording, the lyrics were changed because everybody realized that jokes about rape are never funny.
And now you know the rest of the story.
Most people on the Internet know me as Kevin Wolf, hence my twitter handle and Posterous blog name: Hungry Like Kevin. It's a Duran Duran joke. However, Wolf is merely the last name of my stepfather when I was in school. My name was never legally changed, hence my last name is actually "Stone".
Because of recent tightening of the ID laws in this country, this discrepancy caused me a lot of bureaucratic hassle recently. For awhile, I thought: "Cool. I have a private name and a 'professional' name." But it all got too confusing, so I'm officially coming out of the closet as Kevin Stone, and I'm slowly changing all of my on-line stuff to reflect that, but I'm not going to change my Twitter handle or Posterous blog title because I like those. They just won't be as clever now.
For awhile, I thought of going as Kevin Stone Wolf, and I must admit that combination still appeals to me on an aesthetic level if not a personal one (both last names can go to hell as far as I'm concerned, but it's too late in life for me to be coming up with new ones).
So, yeah, I'm Kevin Stone. Pleased to meet you.
Still the same boy you've always known.
If your child, in most cases a daughter, has interests, beliefs, or goals in life that differ from yours and that you do not approve of, it does not make her "crazy" or "bi-polar" or "addicted". Sometimes it does, yes, but in most cases it just means that her interests, beliefs, or goals in life differ from yours. That's it. Don't demonize it just because you don't understand it. Don't look to "fix" what isn't broken with good-natured but still damaging and meddlesome "advice".
Just trust her to make good decisions and make yourself available if she needs your help.
Especially when she is a fucking adult.
Parenting: it's a lot less complicated than people make it out to be. Your children are going to make decisions you don't approve of, and if those decisions do not actually harm her in any significant way, your job is to stay the hell out of her business.
When I saw it originally, I felt like I was the only person alive pointing out how idiotic it was. But, you know what? It's on some movie channel right now, and watching it again, all of these years later, removed from the hype, it's actually really quite a lot worse than I remembered.
Just a bad, bad movie, and if you defend it, I'm afraid that your taste in movies is not only highly suspect, but also literally retarded.
This is not a good movie. Not at all. Uh-uh.
Remember: when you read Kevin, you're really reading Willem Dafoe's face.
I don't think there's anything at all unusual or disturbing about that.
Perhaps my few humble Posterous subscribers would be so kind as to recommend some must-read blogs? That would be much appreciated, thank you.
One of the things I'll miss just so, so terribly about Tumblr is that every day over there has some stupid theme associated with it that there is tremendou peer pressure to participate in. Sexy Sex Thursdays, or Truthful Tuesdays, or random, "Hey, everybody, show your butts to strangers" days that people declare whenever they feel like it.
Boy! That sure is fun. Sure gonna miss that aspect of my Tumblr dashboard, yep.
In an attempt to make Posterous just as friggin' fun as Tumblr, here are some ideas for some theme days.
SUNDAY: Scumday! Tell us about the scummiest things you've ever done! Did you steal your grandma's Social Security checks to buy meth? Did you pleasure yourself while watching nubile middle schoolers undressing in a window across the street? Haha, go ahead and tell the Internet about it. It's all in good fun!
MONDAY: Morbid Monday! Contemplate the empty eternity that is death. How does it make you feel to know that you will not live forever? Post about this. FUN!
TUESDAY: Tossin' Tuesday! Just go right ahead and masturbate in front of the whole Internet. It's what you're metaphorically doing with all of these memes and theme days anyway, so you might as well stop pretending.
WEDNESDAY: Willem DaWednesday! Pics, images, gifs, and Penthouse Forum letters about Willem Dafoe!. In my estimation, he doesn't get enough Internet love, what with Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken stealing it all. This is a completely legitimate and not at all idiotic thing to do on Wednesday.
THURSDAY: Thufferin' Thuccotash Thursday! Post a vid or audio post of you...lisping! Haha! This will never stop being hilarious, even after you've done it twenty times!
FRIDAY: Furious Friday! Who pisses you off on the Internet? Call them out and tell them exactly how much they infuriate you. Yeah, burn some fucking bridges! Internet drama happens all the time; it might as well have its own day.
SATURDAY: Insatiable Saturday! Apparently, people on social networks are really horny and nobody's getting enough sex. Why not whine about it in a long, needy post? That'll be fun, right? No better people to air your sexual frustrations to than virtual strangers that live in the magic box on your desk, after all.
Whew!
There you go, Posterous. I thought long and hard about these (seriously, at least, like, ten seconds of thought went into every one), and I think everybody will agree that they will improve the Posterous experience considerably. They might even convince some Tumblr people to flee that sinking ship and come someplace where everything works.
It appears I have finally given up on you. As for my friends, if they are smart they will jump off that crashing train, too. I've typed till I'm blue in the fingers about the superiority of Posterous, and I'm not going to type any more. It is plainly obvious who has the better service, and if the "dashboard" is that goddamn important to you, then enjoy your constant downtime, Tumbleeps.
I'm done.
This will continue to update to Tumblr (when it fucking works), but I won't be posting over there except to update The Metrics whenever Tumblr decides to function.
Come over here if you want to communicate. Otherwise, it's been nice knowing you.