
I seem to have lost basic motor function. In the grocery store, I was walking along with a carry-basket, and I clumsily slammed it right into one of those old-lady scooters that was being driven by, well, an old lady, and even though I didn’t hit her, just her scooter, she looked at me as if I’d just slapped her across the face with a bear dick.
Later, I opened the car door directly into the vehicle next to me.
So, let’s review: stupid, clumsly, and I’m currently wearing a STAR WARS t-shirt that I bought over ten years ago when I still thought it was cool. I am looking, and acting, like the sort of guy who, when you ask him what his hobbies are, says, “Eating and TV.”
Somebody stimulate my brain (yes, my brain…I can stimulate the other parts all by myself).
I just tried to summon up a band on my iTunes by typing the name into the Google search box in my browser. This is not a good sign, America. I…I think I’m becoming a stupid person.
Help.
5. Meeting a girl there, falling in love, visiting her across the country, and then hearing from my brother (who had moved to her city in the meantime) that they were “seeing each other”.
4. Being part of such a small community during the beta test stages that I could get the attention of the Six Apart masters just by posting about my concerns.
3. Getting in a huge argument with a fellow who was claiming that he wasn’t homophobic, he just doesn’t think that gays should be able to get married. Huh?
2. Watching as that whore mentioned above basically got run off Vox, and 90% of our mutual friends took my side. Vindication!
1. Convincing Jill to join, and watching our friendship gradually grow until we wound up living together. Thanks for that, Vox.
——-
(There are other memories, but they’re all of me being extremely funny and clever and everybody patting me on the back for being so damn awesome.)
If any of you were around for the glory days of Vox, or Tumblr 1.0 if you will, this is sad but unsurprising news. The folks who run the site have been letting it go to shit for years, paying attention to it only when they had a new sleazy, harebrained idea for “monetizing” the operation.
I met a lot of cool people on there, and a few of them I even still talk to. I also had a SHIT-TON of content I posted over there, so I might be doing some rescue posts over here over the next few days. Then again, maybe I’ll just let the whole thing die. I’ve got some bad memories associated with that place, and I’m not kidding.
As shit as Vox became eventually, it had one huge advantage over Tumblr: YOU COULD REPLY TO COMMENTS MADE ON YOUR OWN FUCKING BLOG WITHOUT HAVING TO CLUTTER UP PEOPLE’S DASHBOARDS. Also, you could READ PEOPLE’S PAGES AND COMMENT FROM THERE. (This makes me so angry I could eat the entire Internet.)
You should take steps to ensure this winds up on your tombstone before your family decides on something stupid.
Do you dread my SST contributions appearing on your dashboard yet? Look, I did everything possible to make this pic of hot girls swapping cum palatable for you all. It’s in black and white, even!
Because I care.
Don’t even try to tell me this isn’t SST material. I listen to my penis in such matters, and it said, “A-OK.”
While I was sleeping last night (or rather, to be honest, half-sleeping), I wrote a soul song about two people stranded on a planet, and it was from the point of view of one of those people, who was pledging eternal love and loyalty to the other person, who happened to be the captain of the ship they’d been on. The genders of the two people were not made explicit.
I don’t remember most of it, but here’s a couplet:
I don’t know if it was fate, or if it was divine,
But something caused our ship to crash on Omicron 9.
I swear, if I could learn how to do this while awake, I would have a different career than I do now.
A fire…at a Sea Parks?