Somebody Requested Pictures of My Face

But as it turns out, I’m way too lazy to shave tonight so I can look sexxay for new pictures.  So here are some old ones (not too old, just within the last couple years).

Here I am at a Hindu festival:

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Here I am at a party:

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Here I am at a Beerfest:

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Here’s me posing with Jill for our now-defunct “couple” blog:

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You’re welcome.  Try not to get any ejaculate on your computer.

So...

That “Debra Silverman Acts Out the Zodiac” thing that everybody’s starting to post: I just watched the section on Capricorn and (warning: I am not a believer in astrology) it was a total pile of bullshit.  The first thing she said was typical of Capricorns was flat-out wrong, and the shit that was “right” was so generic it would apply to anybody.  Who doesn’t like it when somebody turns them on to a good book?

“Oh, man, that’s soooo uncanny!  That’s just like me!”

Gimme a fucking break.  I hate this junk, and I seriously question the intelligence of anybody who puts any stock in it.

Stringio

Oh, rubbish.  I know I’m followed by at least one high-schooler, and if she can handle me, so can you.

Or maybe you just need “the talk”.  Hmm, okay.  [Deep breath.]

When a man and woman, or a man and man, or a woman and woman, or two men and a woman, or two women and a man, or a shemale and a man, or a shemale and a woman, or two men and a shemale and a woman, or three shemales and two women and a man, love each other very much, or at least desire each other very much, or are paid enough money to pretend that they like each other very much—

Fuck, this is exhausting!

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After a quick Google Image search, I found this:

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But in this case I don’t think the “butter” is the same thing you’re thinking of.  I think you just cornered the market on buttered-thumb penetration.  Now go find your fetishists and make a goldmine, sir!

Vikings

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I don’t think they get enough love on the Internet.  Is it because there is a professional football team named after them?  Is it because of Hagar the Horrible?  (Probably…that cocksucker has a lot to answer for.)

That a viking is more badass than a pirate is a fact hardly even worthy of debate.  Yet there are still pirates all over the Internet.  When it comes to ninjas, well, we’re talking about two entirely different forms of badassery, so they’re hardly even worth comparing.  But if I had to make a gut decision: VIKINGS.

They set out on these Lincoln Log ships just looting and burning and pillaging everything in their path, and when they died, they got set on fire.  Plus, their religion totally kicks your religion’s ass [unless you personally worship the Viking God of Hurtpain, in which case, you win.  (No, I don’t mean Brett Favre.)]

Anyway, Internet, what I’m trying to say is, enough with your pirates and ninjas and lolcats and owls and surfing armadillos and dogs that use blenders or whatever.  Vikings are the new thing.  Right now.  This is happening.

Hide your daughters.

Stringio

I have investigated the website SwirlieGirls.com, and it contains no watersports.  The wetness is very likely from having her face flushed, which is a fetish I can understand but am not personally aroused by.

The More You Know (TM).

Kevin Conquers Sexy Sex Thursday

I know, I know…I’ve been having a hard time determining what is “appropriate” for an SST post, because there’s my definition of sexy, and they there’s yours.  But I think we can all agree that I hit the nail on the head this time, perverts.

BOOM:

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Surely a skank licking a toilet is what turns your cranks, yes?

What?

Is it because I forgot to post it in black and white?

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?