You Can't Hide

There was a guy in my store yesterday with his wife, and they were looking at deco items and rugs, and the guy kept talking about how a witch’s hat candle holder was so “cute”, and then he had all of these comments about color matching with the rugs, and he seemed far more interested in this stuff than his wife.

Naturally, I immediately accused him of being a closeted homosexual, just as any reasonable person would have.  He took offense.  I responded, “Prove you’re straight, right now, by not taking me into the bathroom and not engaging in vigorous sodomy with me until we’re both too exhausted to even pull up our pants.”

Needless to say, he utterly failed this challenge, because I really know how to sniff out those incognito fruits wherever I find them.  I swear, sometimes, I feel like I’m the only person standing up against the gay agenda and shouting, “Hey, faggots!  Are you too busy brainwashing our kids to come over here and put your penises in my mouth?”

I’m a real hero.