This Just Pisses Me Off, but at the Same Time...Who Gives a Shit?
So, some dumbshits think that they can “reboot” Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Let the idiocy of that statement sink in for awhile.
In case you didn’t know, I’m sort of fanatically devoted to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series. It is one of the most consistently excellent series I’ve ever watched, the rotating casts felt like my best friends for seven years, and it’s just hilarious, epic, and tragic modern myth-making at its finest. It was still going strong right up until the end…an end that only came because Sarah Michelle Gellar decided she didn’t want to play the character any more. And who can blame her, really? It’s hard being consistently outshone by “supporting” actors week after week (James Marsters, you handsome bastard!).
But they’re not rebooting the series. You see, due to labyrinthine contract bullshit, Joss Whedon, the writer of the original movie and the captain of the classic series, doesn’t actually possess any rights to his own character. The series was only made with the blessing of the clowns who own the character, Fran and Kaz Kuzui. Well, those clowns now want to make a new Buffy movie with no Whedon, even though it’s Whedon’s character. Even though there wouldn’t even be any interest in a reboot if Whedon’s television series had never happened. It’s a classic case of “Hey, thanks for making this character you created but have no rights to so popular, Mr. Whedon! Now sit back and watch us make a fucking travesty of it.” It’s appropriate that Buffy had made a smooth transition to the comic-book world, because Whedon has been used about as poorly as a DC or Marvel writer back in the 40’s: “Great idea for a superhero! Mind if we steal it?”
So, thanks to Joss Whedon having terrible legal advice, we’re getting a new version of this:
…a movie that’s memorable mostly for having a pre-Oscar Hillary Swank and a great performance and hilarious death scene from the once and future Pee Wee Herman, Paul Reubens. The movie wasn’t great. The TV series was. What a brilliant decision to alienate the guy responsible for turning a movie turkey into television gold and making your intellectual property valuable in the process. Plus, thanks to the Kuzuis’ short-sighted greed, the possibility of, unlikely as it may be, a future Gellar-led “reunion” movie is shot, even though that theoretical movie would probably make the Kuzuis a lot more money than any phony Whedon-free reboot.
Buffy is not Superman or Batman or James Bond. Joss Whedon’s fingerprints are all over the fucking franchise. He is Buffy Summers.
But just when I was all worked up and righteously pissed off about this whole thing, here comes this statement from the man himself, Mr. Joss Whedon:
“This is a sad, sad reflection on our times, when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths — just because they can’t think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself.
Obviously I have strong, mixed emotions about something like this. My first reaction upon hearing who was writing it was, “Whit Stillman AND Wes Anderson? This is gonna be the most sardonically adorable movie EVER.” Apparently I was misinformed. Then I thought, “I’ll make a mint! This is worth more than all my Toy Story residuals combined!” Apparently I am seldom informed of anything. And possibly a little slow. But seriously, are vampires even popular any more?I always hoped that Buffy would live on even after my death. But, you know, AFTER. I don’t love the idea of my creation in other hands, but I’m also well aware that many more hands than mine went into making that show what it was. And there is no legal grounds for doing anything other than sighing audibly. I can’t wish people who are passionate about my little myth ill. I can, however, take this time to announce that I’m making a Batman movie. Because there’s a franchise that truly needs updating. So look for The Dark Knight Rises Way Earlier Than That Other One And Also More Cheaply And In Toronto, rebooting into a theater near you.Leave me to my pain! Sincerely, Joss Whedon”.
He sounds less angry and more resigned and exhausted by the cynical realities of Hollywood, and if he doesn’t care that much, then neither do I. We got seven good years of amazing television, and Whedon’s vision still lives in the comics, two of which he writes and are canonical extensions of the universe. They’re pretty good. You should check ‘em out.
