Truthful Tuesday

Is there anything left for me to be truthful about?  You people already know me better than 95% of the people I interact with in “real” life.

How about this: I put on a fairly brave face for the world, but every month includes at least one day where I have to talk myself down from just killing myself and getting it all over with.  The fact is: I hate living.  I hate the burden of slogging through another miserable day, sun-up to sundown, over and over again.  It’s all fraught with misery, disappointment, frustration and moments of joy that are so fleeting you wonder, in retrospect, if they even occurred at all.  Some people fear death, but not me.  I just fear pain.  The things that keep me here are love and the unwillingness to spend my last moments on Earth in pain.

So.

Maybe that was too truthful.

I’m also never closer to checking out than I am over the holidays.  So merry Christmas, everybody!  Enjoy all of your holiday “cheer” and the forced togetherness and the smiles that are really grimaces.