"Under the Mistletoe" by The Investigation
I’ve mentioned before that I have an imaginary band called The Investigation that does a variety of punk and pop tunes about subjects such as Lovecraftian horror, science fiction and perversity.
Well, here’s a Christmas song we just wrote. The musical accompaniment should be energetic pop-punk in the fashion of Screeching Weasel.
UNDER THE MISTLETOE
It’s Christmas
Once again, but what’s the difference?
My holiday spirit, such as it is, has been shattered
No one
Wants to come and have fun
On this night or any other night, for that matter
Just like it’s a pornoAnd I jerk off
Under the mistletoe
One more time,
‘Cause I’ve got nowhere to go
Jerking off
Under the mistletoe tonightIt’s stupid
Can’t even score on OK Cupid
What’s wrong with me? I don’t know, my self-worth is in tatters
It’s not right
To be alone on this night
Watching the tube with no pants on, could I be sadder?Now it’s time for the Grinch
I guess he’ll do in a pinchWhile I jerk off
Under the mistletoe
My arm is tired
But here comes another show
Jerking off
Under the mistletoe tonight.Why does nobody love me?
(Because you smell and your teeth are brown)
I just want someone to hug me
(Maybe move to a different town)I am on a mission
To fuck my televisionJerking off
Under the mistletoe
Solitude
Is the only friend I know
Jerking off
Under the mistletoe tonight….
Under the mistletoe tonight…
Under the mistletoe tonight…Jerking off
Under the mistletoe tonight.
