GUEST BLOGGER: A Pedophile Responds to the Taylor Swift Songbook: "Our Song"

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Hello, Tumblr!  I’m an anonymous pedophile, and I’ve taken some time off, again, from stalking your children’s MySpace pages to critique another song from that skinny little unfortunately-aged cutie Taylor Swift.

This time I’ll be doing the track “Our Song,” which you can brush up on by clicking here: Taylor Swift, please let me suck on those toes.

Here’s how I’d respond if some girl was riding in my car and mentioned how we don’t have a song.  I’d smile at her and very slowly say, “Well, honey, that’s because we’re not characters in a movie.”  And if she still insisted on whining about it, I’d cue this up on my iPod.

Who has a song nowadays, Taylor Swift?  Maybe the people in the fairy-tale world you seem to live in, but nobody here in reality has a damn song.  We’re all too busy with our jobs and our families and trying to seduce 11-year olds to worry about picking out romantic songs whenever we’re in the mood for some hairless slit.

Call me crazy, but this song just doesn’t ring true.  No girl would say that, and no man would respond like the guy in this song.  I can be as romantic as the next 46-year old guy trying to trick the neighbor’s daughter into taking off her panties, but no way would I say all of that garbage about screen doors or whatever.

Taylor Swift, you may be as cute as an otter wearing Mickey Mouse ears, but you have a lot to learn about people, and about pedophiles.  But I’ll forgive you, like always, because you’re so skinny and adorable.  That sort of thing goes a long way with me.