The Only Good Bug's a Dead Bug!

The people who live in this apartment complex walk up and down the outside stairs like they’re stomping on cockroaches the entire time.  Or maybe they just hate stairs: “Goddamn horizontal slats of concrete, fuck you!”

But it’s not the stomping that bothers me; it’s my dog’s insistance that it must be barked at every single time somebody goes up or down the stairs.  She’s like a child of a certain generation reacting to the secret word on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.

“Noises are coming from outside!  Thud thud thud, it must be time for a Barky Party!  Whee!  WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!”

Naturally, she won’t stop no matter how much yelling or threatening I engage in, because barks are physical objects that a dog must either expel or choke to death upon.

I just wish this place wasn’t so overrun with invisible cockroaches, is what I’m saying.