Blind Poem

Hello there
I’m glad you answered my personal ad

In the newspaper
Not a lot of people read the newspaper
And my friends all said I was stupid
To put an ad
In the newspaper

They said Craigslist is where it’s at
But I’m not looking for
A tranny that fucks hamsters

No, I’m looking for somebody
That likes pina coladas
And getting lost in the rain
And other cheesy 70’s soft-rock numbers

But I’m glad you answered
And this is gonna be epic
More epic than a hobbit movie

Because this motherfuckin’ date
Is gonna change your life
Because after this dinner
I’m gonna drive you to the country
Where I will not murder you
Because I am not a murderer

But you might get stabbed
By which I mean with my penis
Because I’m a lover, not a killer
And when this night is over
You’re gonna feel right loved
You’re gonna feel so loved
Like a truck just drove up in there

And now you’re standing up
And collecting your things
And walking for the exit

But maybe you’ll turn around
Just one last time
And see me playing air-guitar
And think, “Maybe that guy—”

No, you walked out of the restaurant.

Yes, I would like fresh ground pepper, thank you.