Volunteering for a Chance at Crushing a Child's Dreams

This Friday, I’m going to be taking part in a work-organized volunteer thing at a middle school.  I’m going to be helping with the “Reality Town” event at the school, which all the locals seem to be familiar with, but which I’ve never seen or experienced in my life.

Anyway, I guess there will be kids there, which is not my idea of how to spend my day off, so I’ve come up with some ideas of how to communicate “reality” to children.

  • I can go dressed in a big, formless gray sheet, and say things like, “Woooaaaoooohhh!  I’m reeeeeeeeeaaaalityyyyy!  Nothing good ever happens around meee!  Mooooaaaaannnn…”
  • The first kid I see, I catch him and give him an atomic wedgie.  “You like that, kid?  THAT WAS REALITY.”
  • Show up hungover, drinking wine from a can.  “This is what reality does to you, kids!  Watch out!”  Start crying.  “My kids don’t even talk to me any more!”
  • Stomp a Barbie Dream Home to pieces right in front of them.

These are just the first ideas rolling off my brain, you understand.  I’m sure I can think of better ones by Friday.