The Adventures of Stake-Out Detective

From the stake-out recordings of Phillip G. Brickbeef, private investigator:

Media_httpmediatumblr_phpdn

4:32 pm, corner of 23rd and Vermont.

Been sitting here staring at this crowd of girls for a long time.  I’d really like to know how old the one in the red dress is.  You know, just for my own personal interest.

Have seen no glimpse of Elmo Standish.  Starting to think the tip-off was bum.  Reminder: have a serious talk with Cadbury.

How old IS that girl?  Seriously.  I’m starting to think it’s creepy that I’ve been here staring at her through this camera for the last twenty minutes.  Don’t kids today have anything better to do than stand around in the middle of my stake-out?  Don’t they know that Elmo Standish is supposed to be around here somewhere?

She CAN’T be 18.  There’s no way.  I guess that settles it: I’m a pedophile.  I mean, I must be, right, because there she is, and if she’s a day over 15 I’m a Swedish chef, and I’m still staring at her.  I should probably check myself into therapy or something.

But seriously!  Look at that dress!  It’s like Standish pays girls of indeterminate age to stand out in front of the places he’s supposed to be in bright red dresses, just to make sure that private dicks on stake-out will be too distracted to—

Aww, crap!

CRAP CRAP CRAP!

I just ate the last Pringle!  This is gonna be REAL fun now.  GREAT.

Jesus.

I really need to take a leak.  Would it be weird if a guy in his forties, watching a group of possible underage girls through a camera, pissed into an empty Pringles can?  Imagine getting busted for that!  McSween would have a field day.  Still, call of nature and all that, right?

Hmm-hmm humm…

[Urination sounds echoing from a tin can.]

Just don’t look over here, and we’ll all enjoy this pleasant afternoon…

Shit!  There’s Standish!  Uh!  Fuck!

Gaaahhhhh!

Goddammit!

[Muffled female voices.]

Nothing!

[Muffled female voices.]

FUCK YOU, TRAMPS, I’M ON A STAKE-OUT HERE!

[Squealing tires.]

—click—