Age, Digestion, Etc.

I am lucky enough to be one of those guys who is not aging particularly poorly, at least, externally. Here is a pic fresh from the bathroom:

Mirrorme
People tell me all the time that I don't look 40, and I'm starting to believe them. I still have a full head of hair, my face is not super wrinkly, and I still walk with fairly youthful pep (I give myself away, though, by using words such as "pep").

Internally, however, it's a whole different story. For instance, I can't eat chorizo sausage without taking a dump within the hour that smells like a tire fire. And I like chorizo sausage. I'm not going to stop eating it. Also, I can't drink caffeine past 6 or 7 in the evening, because it keeps me up all night, whereas I used to be able to play D&D all night long, swilling terrifying volumes of Coca-Cola the entire time, and drop right to sleep as soon as I was done. I also love spicy food, but my body apparently doesn't like it quite as much as I do, since I have a vague heartburny feeling in the evenings about four days out of seven.

This is all new to me. I don't want to be one of those sad old guys, sitting at Chili's with his friends, shaking his head while he peruses the menu because there's nothing on there that doesnt give him gas, heartburn or diarrhea (or perhaps all three). I still want to eat what I like to eat. I don't want to have to stick to an inflexible diet of white, flavorless gruel. I already gave up salt: that was easy.

Please don't make me give up flavor altogether. Okay, guts? We got a deal?

I need my flavor.