Murder!

Left to her own devices, my mother will watch reality murder programming all day long, with the occasional detour into the land of Maury and Jerry. This morning, I decided I wasn't going to usher in the day with murder, so I picked up the remote to change the channel.

MOM: Did I tell you that you could touch the remote?

ME: It's too early for murder. [My mother never, ever, checks the movie channels. I do and find Beverly Hills Cop.]

MOM: [Angrily] I'm not watching stupid Beverly Hills Cop. It's "too early" for that! [Does a mocking imitation of Eddie Murpy's laugh.]

ME: Hey, look, The Great Muppet Caper!

MOM: The last thing I want is some dumb Muppet movie!

Eventually, I found a documentary about the Apollo missions.

MOM: And what makes you think I want to watch this?

ME: Hey, guess what? Some people died during the Apollo missions! Maybe they were murdered!

This seemed to placate her.