Living Dead Dreams
I've been having a few dreams lately about my friend who committed suicide last year. Like, I just happen to see him walking through a store, looking kempt, happy and thin, and I walk up to him and say, "Mike? Jesus, everybody told me you were dead!" and it's a nice, happy moment.
Every once in a great while I still have dreams about dead grandparents that work the same way. My dream self is thinking, "Wow, I thought grandpa died, but guess I was wrong, because here he is walking around in his house."
These dreams are comforting but, of course, ultimately heartbreaking, because eventually I'm going to wake up and realize, "Oh, yeah...those people are dead after all."
Still, it was nice to see Mike looking happy and confident, as he was before he descended into an inescapable spiral of depression and cynicism, even if it was only in my imagination.
When I heard that he'd killed himself, I wasn't even shocked. That's a sad comment upon a life, when news of a friend's suicide doesn't even phase you because it seems like the inevitable conclusion to his misery. Suicide should never be met with sad resignation.
Anyway. It was nice seeing you, dude.
