Top Five: Songs That My Mother Liked to a Nearly Pychopathic Degree in the 70's and 80's

1. Kim Carnes--"Bette Davis Eyes"

2. Alicia Bridges--"I Love the Nightlife"

3. The Village People--"In The Navy"

4. Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes--"Up Where We Belong"

5. Bette Midler--"Wind Beneath my Wings"

(Top Fives won't always be funny. Sometimes they're informative, and sometimes they're just about you sharing my pain.)

Top Five: Lines Least Likely to Be Delivered by Bruce Willis

1. "People, please! There must be some way that we can solve this dispute without violence!"

2. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't express yourself with such harsh language."

3. "Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!"

4. "There's a right way to do things, and there's a wrong way. The right way is in this book: the NYPD code of conduct. Remember that, rookie. We don't make our own rules."

5. "I'm not a hero. I'm just a simple man who really, really, really likes having sex with men."